I look outside the windows while I sitting at my comfy pink polka-dot cushion. It’s raining and it’s pouring heavily out there. I am a teenage girl who leaving in suburbs. I am the only child in the family. Prosperity and glorious, they make my day. Looking on my closet, there are many tremendous outfits. It means that I am a shopaholic. As I searching for my missing scarf, I’ve see something that brings back my memories. It is a box of letters with stuff in it. I can’t recall what it is. I open up one of the letters and it goes something like this, “I used to be a bullheaded kind of person, very rebellious and hot tempered for few years ago. It’s funny when I said that I used to be a happy, cheerful and full of laughter girl. It is all started when I unintentionally astray. It is very challenging when we hang out with vary kind of friends. Nerd, punk, jerk, lame, you name it! I’m a type of girl who very easy-going kind of person. When I think back the bitter-sweet memories, tears will fall slowly upon my cheek. I risk my life to be a somebody. Being away from good friends and wants to be a bad person is a stupid choice. Treason to my parents, my family and friends is what I did before. It is all because someone that I named him ‘Q’. He was everything to me; the way he smiles to me, the way he cares at me. We knew each other starting from form two, from same class. He approaches me with his sweet talk and yes, I admit that I fall for it.
Day goes by, we tight the not as a couple within a week. Feels like love is in the air! For me, he is my first love, the one and only to marry me and have kids together and live happily ever after. Months flew by, without noticing we accidently availed. How? Why? Where? Let it become a secret between Q and me. There’s no way to turn back. You said that, ‘I need you, baby. Let’s face this whole stuff together. Please! You’re the one for me” And I said,” F*ck! You brought me to a wrong path. You should get me near to Allah. You should teach me how to be a solehah girl who obeys parents and Allah. You should take a good care of me!” I cry hardly in the toilet noticing that at the age of fifteen I am not virgin anymore. How am I supposed to confront with everyone? I have no friends. I have no one that can understand me. I always blame destiny and faith. Why me? Why me? I tried to suicide but the knife can’t get through to my stomach. Blood and scars full on my body. I walk around with nothing in my head. All these time, I’ve been saying sorry to myself and carried all your mistakes. Why should I be sorry for all your mistakes? Now, everywhere I go, every step I take, every move I make, sometimes, I think of you.
Did I disappoint you? Or let you down? Should I feeling guilty? My heart is blinded with someone that I loved. I think I’m addicted to him.
I hope that I can tell this to my parents how much I felt guilty for the way I behave. Q, tell me that you are sorry when you read this. I don’t know where you are right now. I hope you in a pink of health. I hope you remember me as a sweet girl that I used to be because when you read this, I’m not here anymore. I’m between hell and heaven. I’m carrying all my sins and your sins too. Goodbye, till we meet again.”
This is so amazement. Who wrote this letter? This is not mine. As I try to figure this out, I see something at the bottom of the lid box. The initial start with the letter P. Who would it be? Until now, it becomes a question mark for me but her stories make me who I am now... the one who don’t believe in love and try to be careful from falling with a wrong person.
writen by : hanyssramly
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